Dear younger me,
I met someone who reminded me of you the other day; it brought me back to when I was your age and how I was doing at fourteen years old.
You have a lot going on, I want to acknowledge that. You're young, but you're also not. You're not an adult and you're not a child, you're an in-between and that's really hard. I know how desperate you feel, desperate to escape sadness and stress, desperate to be with your friends and to feel happy again. I know how panicked you get and I wish I could be there to tell you you're not alone and that everything will work out. You're also waiting for someone special to come along; even at just fourteen, it feels like he's taking forever to arrive! Don't worry, he's on his way... another year or so and you'll know who you're going to spend the rest of your life with, so just relax.
I know how much your friends mean to you, and they'll be in your life as you grow up and become an adult, but invest time in your family too. Don't neglect them just because they're always there and it's easy to take them for granted... you're going to miss them a lot when you move out someday.
Your feelings of self consciousness and loneliness are entirely normal. Everyone feels this way. I don't say that to make you think you'd better get use to it because it will always be like that, but just to reassure you that struggling with those feelings doesn't make you a wimp or any less of a lovable person. You feel needy and clingy, but it's just because you're someone who invests herself into people deeply. This hurts, because you expect a lot from those you pour yourself into and when they don't return all that you feel disregarded. But, it also means you're not easily forgotten or left behind. It's really quite brave of you to pour yourself into caring so much about people; I know it's exhausting and sometimes it hurts, but it's a vital part of who you are. If you avoid the hurt that can accompany your caring, you'll be leaving behind the opportunity to experience deep, close relationships. You and I both crave that. It's hard and scary to be vulnerable, but it's essential to who you are. Don't hate how sensitive you are, because it does make you stand apart- not as a weakling, but as someone who really, honestly cares. It's a good thing, even though some people make you feel like it's not.
Your parents are trying their hardest to raise you as best as they can, keep that in the forefront of your mind. You've hurt them and they've hurt you, but I've come to realize that hurt has opened my eyes to just how much I deeply care about my parents. It's a precious thing to have an idea of just how much your parents mean to you... and your parents do mean a lot to you.
You're going to be okay, and your heart is going to be okay too. The husband you'll have one day is someone who cares deeply about you, wants to know your heart through and through, and is ready to have a deep, close relationship with you. Hold onto that thought and hold tight to God's promise that those who delight themselves in Him gain the desires of their heart. Someday you'll realize, and be okay with the fact, that you are a different type of person; you're a stubborn, tenacious, caring little spitfire who's going to figure out who she is and make a home somewhere.
Keep your chin up Buttercup,
Your Future Self